The trouble is you think you have time.

A very cliche phrase, life is too short. But here are somethings that I have picked up over the years…

1. Be honest with people. At least you are being true, anything from to, Wow! You look really nice today, to I think that we should go out sometime. At least you put yourself out there. If you never try, you’ll never know what might happen.

2. Life is too short for things like, “conflict of interest” and being “politically correct”. Why does this have to be a thing? If people want to be together, let them be, I’m not saying go ahead and sleep with your married Boss, but if you are interested, just keep things professional people. Have your work life, your home life. They don’t have to all be a part of one another. If you can’t handle dating someone you work with fine, that’s your choice. But, don’t hold everyone else to that.

3. Don’t hold back. Wouldn’t you rather take the risk than never know what could happen. Trust your feelings and make the move.

4. Make yourself uncomfortable. This is how you find out who you are. When you’re working out, when you tell someone something you’ve been holding back for years. Be raw with people.

5. Take a trip. See somewhere new, a new state, a new country. Meet new people, you can learn the most from them and what they have been through.

6. Spend some money. One of my customers once told me, There are always going to be bills, There is never going to be enough money, so enjoy things. I am in no way saying max out ten credit cards and get reckless. I’m just saying enjoy things, go to that concert you want to go to, travel to the islands, get something nice for yourself you deserve it.

7. Don’t let other people dictate your self worth. People can so easily steal your happiness. So they didn’t text you back, they didn’t show up when it meant the world for them to be there for you. Yes, I completely understand things hurt, and you should take time to let it out, but don’t dwell on it. Keep your head up, there are better things to come.

8. Leave behind the baggage. Don’t hold on to the trash that you’ve dug through. Make it through it and leave it behind. It made you who you are, it may not have felt good, but you’ve come so far.

9. Realize we are all in this together. We are all working towards something. Does everyone have the best motives? NO. But, there are times where we haven’t been at our best either. Encourage people.

10. Breathe. Take time for yourself, if you are stressed find something to channel your stress. Go on a run, call a friend, make some cookies, do something that makes you feel in charged, and empowered. Take charge of the things you can control and let the rest fall in to place.

Happy Monday!

Generate Your Own Self Worth

My body was so numb, I questioned my existence. I remember using the seat of the toilet like it was some luxurious down pillow. I was completely destroyed. Something I had invested all of my time, money, heart and soul into for 3 years, was all a lie. I kept repeating myself, like they were the only words I knew to speak, “Why don’t you love me?” I repeated
again and again. Being assured each time I was indeed “loved”. He wasn’t giving me  the response I was looking for, I wouldn’t stop asking, I wouldn’t let the question go unanswered. The conversation was then diverted with concern. I had clearly drank more than my body could handle. I was trying to cleanse my heart with tequila shots, and when that bottle was empty, of course there was some vodka that would do the trick. The night started as every other fun Friday night, but I was constantly reminded of my broken relationship that I so desperately wanted to hold on to. I didn’t want to go to the hospital. I didn’t want anyone to see me like this. I didn’t tell my friends that he cheated, and I most definitely wasn’t going to tell my family. I just lived with it. I stayed with him, I didn’t want to give up the greatest investment I had ever made. But it was slowly taking a toll on my self worth.

 

I would never stay with someone who cheated on me! I remember telling my friend after she had found her high school sweetheart got a little too friendly with a girl at his new college. But, here I stood, right beside the guy who betrayed me. Sure, he was sorry. He tried to make it up to me every day. However, I found myself growing more bitter, and more discouraged and completely unhappy.

So much of my life was defined by our relationship. It was almost like I didn’t know how to be without it. My best friend, the closest person to me, who I thought I knew everything about instantly turned in to a stranger who I was trying to love. I said a million times, I would never give up, I would never leave, and for a year I kept my promise, and for a year I doubted myself every day.

I still don’t know which part hurt the most.
Was it the physical cheating?
Was it the emotional cheating?
Was it keeping it a secret for all that time?
Was it thinking you know someone so well and then finding you don’t know them at all?
Keeping it from anyone who could help you cope because you were far too embarassed?
The list could carry on…

All the hurt caused so many things to surface, all my insecurities were now mangnified…was I not thin enough? Pretty enough? Did I not spend enough time with him? Too much time? Was i too affectionate? Again, the list could run around the world three times…What I am glad I finally found is, I didn’t have to question or think about any of these things, because it wasn’t about ME. I took it all so personally. I was convinced that I could have done something to divinely change the stupid decisions that he made. I should have never blamed myself for his actions. You should never let someone control how you feel about yourself. Don’t let others determine your value.

And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE if you find yourself in a situation needing help, just ask. I was too stubborn and too embarrassed to tell anyone close to me about what had happened and I was facing this uphill battle on my own. It wasn’t till about a year later I told my friends and family about anything…I was trying to cope with one of the hardest times I had been through on my own, and that is no way to heal.

I have taken the time now, to be myself and to find myself. I have found what I am passionate about, what things I like to do, the kind of people I like to be around, I have met so many incredible people and I have seen so many beautiful places. I have learned to love myself and all my flaws. I am always honest and always open and I let people take me as I am, and if they don’t appreciate it, it’s their problem to deal with, not mine.

Are there still times I find myself getting hurt? Yes. Let down? Of Course! But I know that I give everything my honest, true and best self. And that is the greatest thing I can do. Be proud of yourself for overcoming battles, for jumping life’s obstacles. Share what you have learned, you never know who you may be able to help.

Love Now.

The four letter word. Everyone tries to define. Sometimes I thought I had it, sometimes I felt like giving up on it, other times I stopped believing in it all together. LOVE. Portrayed beautifully and tragically in stories, movies and fairy tales, as well as in real life. For me, right in this moment I want to define LOVE for myself. The kind of love I want, and the kind of love I want to possess.

LOVE: It’s something that you can see in someone’s eyes when they look at you, it’s a feeling that runs through your body, not just the exterior, but the interior, like it warms the blood running through your veins, it’s something that doesn’t leave your heart, even when your millions of miles away. It’s in your heart, even when your mind tells it not to be. Love isn’t a logical thing. Love happens. It’s unexpected…a pleasant surprise. Love is when just being sure of someone is good enough. Just knowing where they are or what they are doing makes you smile.  It’s not spending every waking moment with someone. It’s appreciating your time together, and still making time to be yourself, and do your own things. It’s generous, and understanding, even when you may not want to be. It’s making sacrifices, and it’s hard work. But it’s worth it. Love is spending everyday with your best friend, and laying in their arms at the end of every night. Love is making someone laugh, and knowing exactly what to do to make them smile, even on their worst day. It’s knowing when to be quiet, and knowing that exact moment  to offer a comforting embrace. Love makes you spontaneous and unpredictable. It makes your heart race. It makes time seem insignificant, it makes material things mean nothing at all. It makes you realize how much power one can hold in their fingertips, because when their hand meets yours, it all makes sense. It’s being patient, when you think you can’t wait anymore. It’s saying your sorry, and admitting that yes, sometimes you can be wrong. It’s taking those days to just lay in bed, and do nothing else but be in each other’s company. It makes you crazy, and it will make you mad. But you would do anything to keep it. Love is guarding your heart from anyone else but the one you are with.
It is a secret between two people, that others may hear but the two of you should be the only ones listening… If one lets another listen to their song, the once beautiful melody can turn in to the most ungodly scream. It can uproot the strongest tree, and tear away the most firm foundation. It can take something intimate, and make it impersonal, it can turn a diamond in to dust. Those who truly love, protect their song, and guard their heart and assure their love is known.